A Total Gutterball: Super Bowl XLV Half-Time

get it? Super BOWL! (as in bowling!!!!!!!) Yep, it's Jen, beginning with another shitty (yet brilliant) pun!

If you're anything like me, you've got a Super Bowl routine. My friends have thrown a party every year, for the last 4 years, so it has become something of a routine. A lot of times that routine consists of: lots of food, yelling, debating funny commercials, and me explaining who exactly it is, that is playing the half-time show.

Those last 4 performers were:

• 2007, Prince - yes, someone did ask me who Prince was, IT'S FREAKING PRINCE!
• 2008, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - Okay, maybe I can understand people not knowing who Tom Petty is (not really)
• 2009, Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band - Most people at the party had heard of the boss, but there were definitely some who kept asking me to sing some of Bruce's hits so that they might recognize them.
• 2010, The Who - "Oh, the CSI theme songs!!!" *shakes her head* 

So this year, when it was announced that it would be the Black Eyed Peas, I thought to myself, for once, since this party started 4 years ago, EVERYONE is going to know the Black Eyed Peas, and no one will complain that they're old and dying! Well, after watching that performance, nobody complained about the BEP's being old, but they definitely died out there. If you haven't seen it yet, or just like torture, check it out: 

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First, let's talk about the pros:

• Generally, most of BEP's songs are enjoyable enough.
• The entrances
• The Lights looked cool!
• Slash?
• Usher is a good dancer.

Now, where they went wrong:

• Generally, most of BEP's songs are overplayed (but, we could deal with that)
• Why, in God's name, didn't they lip sync??????
• Slash?
• Usher was wearing a shirt.

While our party watched the BEP's, now infamous, performance, I brought up the question: "When was the last good half-time performance anyway?" and the only thing we could come up with was Michael Jackson in like, '93. I reminisced on the years that MTV had the Celebrity Deathmatch half-time show, or SNL did a half-time Weekend Update.

Of course eventually, we all started yelling out different suggestions, at who would've done a better job. We had suggestions spanning from Lady Ga Ga to Rascall Flatts to Girl Talk (my personal suggestion, just a 7 minute crazy dance off). I also suggested a Journey reunion, but I'm sure Steve Perry would have nothing to do with that, it'd be awesome though. I digress, Mostly, I was trying to argue the politics of choosing a performer. It had to be someone who would be a mass pop appeal, and that Lady Ga Ga is too risque, or like the last 4 years, any "classic" rock artist would be deemed to old, or unhip. It has to be someone that appeals to the masses, has something to promote and would also be entertaining to watch. I then said, you know who would've been a great pick, Justin Bieber, and I was immediately shot down."Oh, who would he appeal to? all the men watching the Super Bowl, I don't think so!" my fellow party people sarcastically asked me.  "and the Black Eyed Peas are appealing to the men watching the Super Bowl?" with which I replied. No one, would have my suggestion. I don't even care about Justin Bieber, and I felt like I was going mad with Bieber fever! Frantically claiming he could dance, sing, hair flip & that every teenage girl ever, would tune in! Then today, thanks to Rolling Stone, I was reminded of the 2001 half-time show.

First, I was upset with myself that I didn't remember this one automatically. Once they mentioned it in the article, the memories came flowing back. I mean, this is a perfectly acceptable, entertaining half-time show. There was comedy, there was dancing, there was something for everyone! Which I think, only confirms how great an idea it was, to have Justin Bieber. In fact, once I actually started thinking about it, there could have been a great mash up of any artists that sold a ton of albums last year. (excluding Susan Boyle, she can do half-time at the VFW Bingo night)

My Super Bowl XLV half-time would've gone something like this:

Black Eyed Peas starting it off with I got a feeling, Then into Rihanna - Only Girl in the world, Then, Katy Perry Teenage Dream and THAT'S when we bring out the Bieb, into Baby (of course Ludacris is invited!) then Usher drops by for a super dance break with him & the Bieb, Jason Derulo can come too. Finally, All the Glee kids run out and everybody sings Don't Stop Believin' with Randy Jackson on bass & Carlos Santana on guitar & QuestLove on Drums, actually all the Roots are in, they're fun and awesome. 

Tell me, that half-time show wouldn't have been the bomb, I dare you. If we absolutely couldn't use Katy Perry, because she seems too "risque", I would be willing to substitute her with Taylor Swift, even though it would bring the party down. But I suppose, we could put a beat behind Love Story which might keep up the energy. Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to throw Willow Smith into that mix, everybody could whip their hair.

So that's what should have been Super Bowl XLV's half-time show. Are you listening NFL? I'm here, waiting for you to hire me. Please, feel free to contact me via Twitter: @itsjentastic 

Finally, on a more serious note. I'd like to take this time to let all the members of 'Nsync know, that the world misses them, and that if there was ever a time to reunite, that time is now.